(These jokes are provided courteousy of other websites.)
One day, a tuba player wanted to torture the drummer behind him, so he hid one of the drummer's sticks.
After looking around for a few minutes, with a frantic, wide-eyed expression, the drummer fell to his knees, flung his arms wide, and screamed to heaven:
"Finally! The miracle, after all these years! I'm a Conductor!"
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
A new customer walks into a new store on the block that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10. The second says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000. The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.
"I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists' for $10?".
The salesman replies, "Because it's never been used."
Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordian."
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".
Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.
A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native if he he knows how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says, "Very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts, "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"
"Bass solo."
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but only after asking "Why?" ("Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?")
Q: How can you make a drummer slow down?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him
Q #2: How can you make that drummer stop?
A: Put notes on it!
Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: The knocking speeds up.
Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."
(Note: I hope these jokes don't offend anyone. They are only meant to be funny. I mean keep in mind, I'm am a drummer myself. I am obviously not offended by these jokes. Frankly, I think they're hilarious. So please don't get all mad if you're a drummer.)
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